“You’re just a fair-weather Pitt fan. You only talk about them and watch them when they’re good.”

Of course, my initial thought was simple: I live 500 miles from the team. They’re only ON when they’re good. I read about the team all season, but yeah, I pretty much only talk about them when they’re good because that’s the only time they’re interesting to talk about to non-fans. Around the NCAA tournament, lots of people are talking about teams they normally root for quietly as they fill out their brackets. And sure, some bandwagoners are sure to pop up. But while I’m not nearly the fan of Pitt basketball that I am of, say, the Steelers, I’m no fair-weather fan. Am I?

The whole thing got me thinking: What exactly makes a fair-weather fan?

I decided to put myself to the test. Well, this test, actually, one I drew up on the subject. I’ve posted my response below each question, but take it your team and see how you do. Tell your fiends to come take it, too. And click on the “What’s Your Score?” box at the bottom to post your score and let us know how you did.

1. How much do you read about the team?

a. If there’s a story on the front page of ESPN.com, I’ll probably click it. (0)

b. I check the local papers, ESPN, SI … you know, the usual. (1)

c. If they ever put anything about the team on whatevs.org, I might check it out. (-2)

d. Read? READ? You know the guy on the message board with 600 posts today? Yeah, that’s me. (3)

(My answer for Pitt: B. But I still read more than most student-athletes! Boo-ya!)

2. How often do you watch the team on television/listen to them on the radio?

a. My daughter shouldn’t have scheduled her wedding on a game night. Too bad I’ll have to miss her big day. (3)

b. I don’t schedule my life around it, but I catch them as much as I can. (0)

c. I don’t live in the team’s hometown, and they don’t get a ton of national coverage (Go to question 2a.)

d. My girlfriend has really got me hooked on this “Grey’s Anatomy.” (-2)

(My answer for Pitt: C.)

2a. If you answered (c), choose one of the following:

a. If the team’s on TV where I live, I make sure to Tivo it. (1)

b. I don’t care that I live far away—I’ve got the online radio subscription so I can hear them every night. (3)

c. If they make the playoffs, maybe I’ll watch at a party or something. (-1)

(My answer for Pitt: A. Swish! Two points.)

3. If you’re watching the game at a bar and a girl tries to flirt with you, you:

a. Gauge if she’s girlfriend material by seeing how much of a fan she is. (1)

b. Engage her in conversation about the game, keeping your eye on the action. (0)

c. Forget the game and break out the Cosmos, it’s time to work my mojo! (-1)

d. Punch her in the babymaker. (3)

(My answer for Pitt: B. Not gonna lie about this. I wouldn't be able to resist.)

4. If this girl asks you a question about the coach or some of the players, can you provide background sufficient to impress her?

a. I can hold my own: I know where the old coach is now, where the new coach came from, all of that. (0)

b. You know what I like about girls? Some of them just care about the uniform colors, like me. (-2)

c. If she doesn’t know that we adopted the current team colors in 1863, is she really even worth talking to? (2)

(My answer for Pitt: A. Sorry. If I went there, trust me, I'd be crazy for this stuff.)

5. When she asks you who a certain player is, how familiar are you with the roster?

a. As long as she sticks to the starters, I’ll be fine. (0)

b. I wish they’d take the names off the team’s uniforms already. I mean, who needs that? (2)

c. They did a piece on the team’s star in Vanity Fair, so I’ll at least know that. (-1)

d. The Raptors are on? I LOVE Vince Carter! (-3)

(My answer for Pitt: A. I mean, they still have Julius Page, right? Kidding.)

6. While she talks to you, are you wearing team apparel or merchandise?

a. Of course. My brother got me this hat in 1995, and I wear it for every game. (1)

b. Nope. Not really my thing. (0)

c. You can still smell the sweatshop on my new jersey, and they made this hat look like I’ve had it for years! (-3)

d. Besides the authentic jersey, hat, wristbands, tie, bobblehead and team socks? Then no. (3)

(My answer for Pitt: B. Oh man, my score is sticking pretty low. I think I might turn it over like Carl Krauser in a big spot. Ooooh, SNAP!)

7. While you’re talking, is the team playing its style?

a. What do you mean? Aren’t there really only two styles, good and bad? (-1)

b. They’re giving up the baseline a little more than I’d like, but if they can keep this game in the 60s, they’ve got a good chance. (2)

c. Are you kidding? Look how pissed coach is. I don’t think anybody’s style includes this many mistakes, but it’s especially bad for this team. (1)

d. Why do the Mountaineers keep taking so many threes? (-2)

(My answer for Pitt: B. And he lays it in! Four points.)

8. Finally, if the team loses, how much will you suffer? How long will it take you to recover?

a. Wait … what happened? Who won? (-2)

b. The girl’s still talking to me, right? That should soften it a bit, but I’m gonna need a pitcher or two. (0)

c. I’d stay away from me at work tomorrow morning, but I’ll be all right. (1)

d. The boss knows I won’t be in tomorrow if we go down. Do not call me. Do not touch me. I’ll be in the dark, carving chunks out of my arm. (3)

(My answer for Pitt: B. Wow. Four points.)

Your Score:

Less than zero: Welcome to the Bandwagon!

Dude, your team’s on this TV. Yeah, really. No, I’m not kidding. They wear blue. No shit.

0-8: Keep it Casual.

You’re no poser, but you’re not in much of a position to be criticizing the defense. Sip that beer and enjoy the game, man.

9-17: You're Hardcore.

You’re pretty intense, but between the message boards, the magazines and the gambling habit, you still find time to have a semblance of a life. I respect that, even if you are spending most of it in that replica jersey.

18-24: Easy on the Face Paint!

Man … that’s awesome. Do you write?

My score: 4

So I'm not the biggest Pitt fan, but I'm definitely not fair-weather. I watch 'em when they're on, read about 'em, and love 'em in the tournament. How did you do? Let me know:

---Greg