Published on January 31, 2006, by Greg for the Ex-'Burgher.

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The Steelers are 2-0 in the playoffs since I started posting the Tecmo Super Bowl Playoff Preview two weeks ago. And if I’m going to wear the same underwear, socks, shoes, jeans and jersey that I have for those two wins, I’m sure as hell going to play another game of Tecmo. Besides, as reader Terry T. pointed out after the win over Indy, the TSBPP has a little more truth to it than you might expect:

“I was re-reading your Tecmo playoff page that was sent to me and was impressed with how much it synced up with the actual game. Especially considering a pro-Steelers author was laying it on pretty thick(three on-side kicks by Cowher, LOL). Below is selected text from the Tecmo page followed by the play by play from NFL.com. Nostradamus couldn't have done better. Terry

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After Jerame Tuman reception and a 6-yard run by the Bus, the Steelers face 2nd and 4 from the Colts 27-yard line.

And here’s where we’ll see the strength of that Colts defensive li…

Touchdown! Ben Roethlisberger connects with Antwaan Randle El for a 27-yard strike, and the Steelers lead 6-0.

Just a great move by Ben to avoid the rush and get that pass where only Antwaan could catch it.

-

1-10-IND13 (10:50) B.Roethlisberger pass to W.Parker to IND 13 for no gain (D.Thornton).

2-10-IND13 (10:11) J.Bettis up the middle to IND 6 for 7 yards (B.Sanders).

3-3-IND6 (9:30) (Shotgun) B.Roethlisberger pass to A.Randle El for 6 yards, TOUCHDOWN.

J.Reed extra point is GOOD, Center-G.Warren, Holder-C.Gardocki.

PIT 7 IND 0, Plays: 10 Yards: 84 Possession: 5:35.”

Mr. T went through pretty much the whole game like this, and I'll post his entire email later this week.

So laugh it up, but know: This IS the future...


Well, it’s the game we’ve waited all season for, the Super Bowl! Welcome to Detroit, folks, I’m Al Michaels. Alongside me as always is John Madden.

Thanks, Al.

And because this is such a big game, we have a very big special guest: The ghost of deceased Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray!

Really?

It might be…it could be…it is! Me! Holy cow! It’s great to be back…back…back from the dead!

The fortieth edition of the Super Bowl promises to be, well, extra-large, doesn’t it John?

That’s right, Al. Peyton Manning leads an explosive offensive attack, and it’s no wonder that he’s led them this far. But Tedy Bruschi isn’t about to give up the title just yet.

John, the Colts and Patriots aren’t in the Super Bowl. It’s not even possible for them to play each other in the Super Bowl; they’re both in the AFC. The game’s between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks.

Aren’t the Seahawks in the AFC?

Touche.

I have mustard on my tie! Holy cow!

Today’s game could be a great one, as the punishing running attack and emerging passing game of the Steelers matches up against the league MVP, Seattle tailback Shaun Alexander.

And don’t forget their cue-ball QB, Matt Hasselbeck.

His wife is a reaaaaaal looker. Holy cow! I’d love to give her the ole ghost post.

You’re referring to Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the wife of Matt’s brother Tim, but…that “ghost post” thing was gross, anyway.

I don’t know, Al. I think I’d like to give her a little bit of the “Boom” myself.

Riiiight…there.

As you can see from John’s circling, Pittsburgh has won the toss.

Didn’t I do great, Al? Didn’t I?

They have chosen to receive.

After Antwaan Randle El returns the kickoff to the Steelers’ 40, Ben Roethlisberger slings a quick pass to Willie Parker, who runs to the Seattle 30 yard line.

What a phenomenal play! With Patterson coming up, the Cubs can take the lead!

Roethlisberger’s pass is complete to Jerome Bettis, and he’s down to the eight yard line!

You know, “The Bus” is from Detroit. Which is where this game is being played. He’s from here.

If I was a football player stranded on a desert island, I’d want to be Jerome Bettis.

You would be from Detroit.

That way, I could eat myself!

You realize that you never said that in real life, right?

If I got hungry, I’d eat myself!

After a one-yard dive and a run for four by Jerome Bettis…

He is from Detroit.

…Ben Roethlisberger throws incomplete, and the Steelers will attempt a short field goal.

Reed’s field goal is good, and the Steelers lead 3-0.

He’s the kind of guy who does a lot of working really hard at the thing that he’s paid to do. And that time, he did it. The thing he’s paid to do.

I’m dead!

I wish I was.

After a short kickoff return by Maurice Morris, Hasselbeck scans his offense from the shotgun. He snaps and…

They picked the right play! Holy cow!

Hasselbeck is sacked in the end zone, and it’s a safety!

You see, a safety is when the other team tackles your team in your team’s end zone. And you don’t want that to happen to your team, because it makes your team give the other team two points, and that’s not good for your team. And then your team has to give the other team the ball. As a coach, you never want to see that happen.

Circle something! Wow!

After a few short runs by Parker, the Steelers face another fourth down, this time in their own territory. Most conventional coaches would punt here.

Bill Cowher is anything but a conventional guy.

Dusty Baker would leave the quarterback in for 120 pitches! Holy cow!

And the Steelers will go for it. And it’s the Bus.

He’s just unstoppable out there! He just keeps those legs legging and those arms arming, and he won’t be stopped until he has passed the sticks, which gives his team a first down!

Legging?

On first and 10, Roethlisberger heaves a looooong pass to rookie tight end Heath Miller, who dives…complete!

Roethlisbergers sound tasty. I’d slather one up with ketchup and a good old squeeze of Sweet Baby Ray’s.

He is a quarterback, not a food.

What are you, some kind of pussy? Hell, I’d swallow him all covered in gasoline, then wash him down with a six-pack of Bud! Are you some kind of fag?

That DOES sound good.

This is why we gave you the bacon tie. Eat your tie, John.

We start the second quarter of Super Bowl XL with the Steelers ahead 5-0.

The Mariners have the meat of their order coming up.

On the first play from scrimmage, Parker breaks free!

He’s off to the races!

He gets down to the seven yard line, where Pittsburgh will start first and goal!

But the Seahawks defense is holding strong, stuffing the Bus for losses of one and three. A Roethlisberger incompletion brings up another fourth down, and Pittsburgh will have to kick.

Reed’s field goal is good again, and the Steelers build their lead to 8-0. You know, John, if Reed keeps kicking this way, he might start drawing comparisons to Patriots bootman Adam Vinatieri.

I think comparisons are odius.

Odius?

Olfactory!

Odiferous! Omnipolency!

Morris returns the kickoff to the ten, where the Seahawks start first and ten. Hasselbeck scans his options and fires…complete to the tight end, Jerramy Stevens.

I think the San Diego Chargers are going to make big waves in the playoffs with their playmaking tight end, Tony Gates.

The playoffs are over, John. San Diego didn’t even make it.

It’s over? Holy cow! Where’s my ride home?

Hasselbeck slings to his fullback, first-time Pro Bowler Mack Strong.

That’s a great name. I’m Mack Strong now.

Mack Strong is the kind of guy, you know, who brings the type of something that coaches really like. Just a great guy.

Aw, thanks John.

You’re welcome, Mack.

Strong is finally brought down at the three.

I was?

On first and goal, the give is to Alexander, who goes in for the Seahawks touchdown.

That Colin Farrell is a stud! Someday he and I are going to rule Macedonia again!

The kick is good, and the Steelers’ lead has been cut to 8-7.

Antwaan Randle El is back to return.

It looks like he might find a lane…

And he’s running free. The Steelers will extend their lead going into the half leading to 15-7.

This was a case of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. And that time, the unstoppable force won.

Even I know that that is completely wrong.

It’s halftime.

Hey, where are the Rolling Stones?

Funny you should ask that, Harry. NFL Officials have recently discovered that in the spring of 1973, Keith Richards was naked. Twice.

Holy cow! That’s not family entertainment!

So…the Mighty Bombjack Show. This is miiiiighty special.

When I was in school, they used to call me “special.”

Well, now something’s happening.

They’re groooowing!

I think I’ve seen this play before. After they grow a little bit, they become…

HOLY COW!!!!!

Cut away! Cut away! Show more Bud Light commercials!

We’re back for the second half. After a short kickoff return by Morris, the hand-off is to Alexander, who cuts back for a big gain.

He waited…and waited…and waited, and BOOM! He hit the hole, and it was just a great run for…

Lee Smith!

No, Harry…Lee Smith is a retired baseball play…

Lee Smith!

Really? That looked a lot like Shaun Alexan…

Lee Smith!

All right, that’s enough. We’ve missed most of a drive; the Seahawks are facing fourth down, and they’re going to try a field goal.

The Steelers take advantage of a deficiency in the Seahawks’ blocking scheme, and it’s blocked by Jerry Porter!

John, that’s Joey Po…wait, did you just say “deficiency”?

He’s got the ball! Holy cow!

Porter has scooped up the ball, and he’s running free.

He’s gonna score!

And he does, and the Steelers lead 22-7!

After a fine return by Maurice Morris, Seahawks’ quarterback Matt Hasselbeck is in trouble.

Boom!

He’s sacked for a loss of five!

Pow! Bam! Woom!

Hasselbeck’s in trouble again…the Steelers sack him AGAIN! And the Seahawks will have to punt.

Antwaan Randle El to return.

Antwaan Randle El is the kind of guy who can dip and dance and dive and dodge, but sometimes you’ve just got to duck your head and drive.

He should NOT be dancin’…yeah!

After a six-yard scamper of his own, Roethlisberger fires incomplete to Heath Miller, and the third quarter will come to a close.

A one…a two…a…

Take me out to the ballllllgame…

And the Steelers are going for it on fourth down.

I am sort of getting sick of saying “Holy Cow.”

The Bus is stuffed, and the Steelers hand Seattle the ball.

When a coach goes for it on fourth down and makes it, he’s a hero. When he doesn’t, he’ll be second-guessed all week.

Are you just saying stuff from the video game?

How you kick a kickoff out of bounds sometimes just baffles me.

Hasselbeck is sacked by James Farrior!

A perfect hit. He just got right up under his chin and WHAP!

How can you see that from here?

I can see a sandwich.

Where?

Anyway…the Seahawks turn the ball over on downs.

You’d expect the Steelers to run the ball here, but Roethlisberger is back to pass.

Hines Ward is open down the field.

I love ketchup!

They connect, and the Steelers have all but put the nail in the coffin.

I love coffins!

It’s a last gasp effort for Seattle now. After a no gain, an incompletion and another Farrior sack (that’s 63 now), Hasselbeck breaks free on fourth and 15!

Get that man a Budweiser!

You know, Al, They say Brett Favre has an 'S' on underneath his jersey and he is going to go and be Superman every week, ... You can't. I don't think he has lost anything, though. I study Brett Favre a lot and watch everything. You see that he's older now. Can he still move? Yes, he can still move. Can he still throw the ball with the same velocity? Yes, he can still throw the ball with the same velocity. So the Packers' lack of success is not about Brett Favre. He doesn't have a lot of guys around him right now.

Um, the Seahawks are playing right now.

Brett Favre. Brett Favre.

Lee Smith!

Hasselbeck connects with Mack Strong on an impossible pass, and he scores!

They’re still alive.

I mean, hardly, John. There’s nine seconds left.

I’m not alive at all!

The Seahawks recover the onside kick…

I told you they were alive.

…but time expires.

Cubs win! Cubs win!

The Pittsburgh Steelers are Super Bowl champions, with the final score 29-17!

----Greg

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