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Published on January 10, 2005, by Greg for the Ex-'Burgher. Not many websites can travel to the future, but The Ex-'Burgher can. So we trekked off into the not-too-distant to see how the Steelers would fare against the Colts this Sunday. What does the future look like, you say? Let's join Bill Hillgrove, Tunch Ilkin and Chris Berman for the second quarter:
Welcome back to Steelers football, where we start the second quarter. Ben under center, he pitches to the Bus, who finds the corner and fights his way across midfield. Whumpwhumpwhumpwhump You’re spitting all over the microphone. I told you I didn’t want to share! He’s finally brought down at the Colts’ 45-yard line, and it’s first and 10.
After a 22-yard completion to Jerame “Spoke in Class Today” Tuman, the Steelers start from the Colts’ 23. The give is to the Bus. He’s gone. The Bus is all alone, and he goes in for the Steeler touchdown! And Pittsburgh leads, 13-7. Whumpwhumpwhumpwhump Stop it.
After another failed Steeler onside kick, the Colts take over at the 50. Manning has a receiver open downfield. Out of the Bat Cave, it’s Reggie Wayne, and he could. Go. All. The. Way. Touchdown!
But the extra point is blocked! Clark Haggans noticed a flaw in the Colts kick coverage, and just makes a great move to get in and keep the Colts down 14-13. Just a fantastic play.
After ARE returns the Vanderjagt kick to the 31, it’s the Bus, who breaks a tackle… Whumpwhumpwhumpwhump …and is free! He’s at the 40. The 50. The 40. He seems to be using a “run up for a long time, then suddenly turn down” technique, Billy. And he’s finally brought down at the Colts’ 27 yard line.
After another Tuman grab puts the Steelers at the 5, Ben is under center. He rolls, looking for someone. Anyone. And he throws ACROSS THE FIELD! The pass is complete to the Bus, who takes it in for the Steeler touchdown! The kick is good, and the Steelers lead 21-13!
Cowher elects to onside kick AGAIN, but this one is recovered! This is just a show of weakness from Coach Cowher, “Crunch ‘n’”Tunch. He’s afraid of Indy’s off…
TOUCHDOWN! Ben hits Hines Ward on a streak down the sideline, and he goes in for the score with 21 seconds remaining in the half! The kick is good, and the rout is on, as the Steelers lead 28-13!
After another onside kick from the Steelers, Mike Vanderjagt is lined up for a last-second field goal. These onside kicks are an embarrassment, Bill “That Has Been Vetoed by Congress.” Cowher looks cowardly. Right, because it has nothing to do with the buttons not being as responsive as on a Nintendo. The kick is good from 52, and the Colts cut the lead to 28-16 as the teams head to the locker room. Our coverage of the halftime show is brought to you by the power of Bowser.
Ha-cha-cha-cha!
The band is on the field! The band is on the field! It’s halftime, retard.
This is getting a little more interesting. I’ll say.
Holy moley. This is awesome. Isn’t this supposed to be a kid’s game?
I definitely see panties there. No way. Not possible.
I’ll prove it. Right…there. I need to go “Mr.” Clean up. Gross.
----Greg Back to the Ex-'Burgher. |
